DGX

Out of spontaneous curiousity, I am looking for the first rated R movie that I watched in a theater by myself (and that I did not sneak in to). It had to be released some time in 2003 and still in theaters during the month of March, as I turned 17 on March 21.

Here's what I know about it:

*It is rated R.
*It has lots of violence and language (I think this is the only reason it was rated R).
*It was playing in theaters on my birthday, so it came out sometime in early 2003.
*I distinctively remember the main character killing people with a knife of some sort, and some forest/jungle setting/background.

I'm trying to search through IMDb's database but I can't find it. I want to see this movie again...

Posted by at 9:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The media is out in droves pointing fingers and spouting on about Hurricane Katrina. Yes, it is the first "anniversary" of the storm, but geeze. I'm sick of hearing of it. We've been hearing all about it non stop for a year now. "Oh, this hurricane season is going to be horrific!" Oh wait, it isn't. "Oh, it's all Bush's fault!" Uhh, no. It isn't. "People are still without homes!" No shit? When a hurricane destroys thousands upon thousands of homes and businesses, it is going to take more than a year to rebuild the shit. Man, you people are fucking retarded.

Look. Katrina was a freak storm and the levees weren't capable of withstanding the conditions. Bush did what little he could, meanwhile the governor of Louisianna and the mayor of New Orleans did jack shit. Oh wait! look at the flooded parking lot full of school busses! Why weren't they used to evacuate people? Oh, because the mayor is a dumbass. And why didn't the Governor send more busses? Oh, because...

It is their fault. Kanye West calls Bush a racist, meanwhile the mayor talks about New Orleans being a "chocolate city". I can't believe this shit! The irony is killing me! What about the conspiracy that "H-h-h-haliburton!!!" blew up the levees? Oh man! And he planned 9/11! He staged "witnesses" and planted "evidence"!

Why didn't they get the blame?

1) They're Democrat. Like the MSM would turn on their own! They have to find a scapegoat, and fast!
2) The President is Republican. Excellent! They found a Republican to pin the blame on! But will it stick?
3) The President is George "Dubya" Bush. BINGO! Everyone hates him after seeing Michael Moore's "documentary", so they'll believe an unfounded accusation! We just need some crybaby hypocrite dumbass rapper to throw the race card at him and we're in business!

I also place the blame on FEMA. I wish the government would get rid of FEMA, or at least fire everyone in it. FEMA is extremely inefficient. Don't get me wrong, they have helped out a good bit, but their incompetence is really hurting a lot of people. First mobile homes sat too long in a lot (which wasted tax dollars to keep them there) and sank into the ground, becoming immobile, and now we have FEMA leaving mobile homes with people who no longer need them and not handing them to people that DO need them.

Two links that you need to see. First, Michael Graham's article in the Free Times about Katrina vs. Hugo. For those of you who don't know, Hugo slammed into South Carolina's coastal area and caused billions in damage. Apparently, FEMA was worthless back then just as they are now. However, Carol Campbell (a REAL governor) worked with others to have the cities on their legs again. After a year, a lot of work still needed to be done, but things were looking better. Better than what we can say for New Orleans.

The other is Hot Air's little clip about Katrina. Here, you can see the incredibly racist mayor of New Orleans AND Kanye West, the parking lot full of school busses that COULD have saved THOUSANDS but instead sat useless (and now flooded with salt water), as well as other things.

Look. New Orleans won't be rebuilt for a while. You are fooling yourself if you think that "another president could do a better job" because unless the "other president" put on a hard-hat and picked up a hammer, some wood and nails, and a few blueprints, it isn't going to be finished any faster. Government is slow and inefficient, yeah yeah. Whatever. Just shut up.

Posted by at 12:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

To add to what I said below, I want to state one other thing that pissed me off. Go read the post below first if you haven't already.

The father sending his daughter off to college for $17K/year was pissed off that FAFSA wouldn't help his ass with the tuition costs because he and his wife make too much. Boo fucking hoo. If I don't get help, your sorry ass doesn't deserve it either. And even if I did, you shouldn't get help. You make $130K+/year. That is WELL ABOVE the poverty line. FAFSA is FINANCIAL AID. You are a fucking twat! What the fuck else do you want? You wanna buy your lobster and caviar with food stamps? Do you want Medicare to buy you a Lexus? What else, a few welfare checks to purchase a new house? I know! Let's get good old fucking Uncle Sam to bend over backwards and hold a cheese and wine party at the taxpayer's expense to celebrate your unprecedented height of douchebaggery. FUCK YOU.

You could EASILY afford college by sending your kid to a cheap school. If you want to send your little girl to an expensive school, fine by me, but you better be able to fucking pay for it.

Posted by at 9:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I just watched a special on Fox News about "Why does college cost so much, and is it worth it?" and I must say, what a load of bullshit. Yes, college is expensive. Yes, it is worth it. Sure, you can be like Dave Thomas and come out with a new restaurant chain and become a multi-millionaire after dropping out of high school, or even like the guy who did Geek Squad (a college dropout), but chances are, you are a fucking dumbass and will never amount to a hill of beans without the diploma.

If you can imagine how much the title pissed me off, then wait until you see what is really grinding my gears.

They showed two girls tonight. One girl is getting ready to go to college. Her parents make a combined total of ~$130K/year. She narrowed it down to three choices:

A) Go to an in-state college costing $17K/year for 5 years.
B) Go to an out-of-state college costing $29K/year for 5 years.
C) Go to a community college for a lot cheaper than any of the above.

Well, despite the fact that the father repeatedly stated that he couldn't afford the first two, she decided to go with the in-state college. What a bitch. Now her dad has to get a part time job over the weekend just to help pay for this bitch's tuition, not to mention he has to worry about the younger daughter going to college two years down the road. If this were my daughter, she would be going to some tech school for two years and transfer them to some cheap university.

What is so fucking bad about a college degree from a cheaper school? Or having to go to a tech or community college for a while and transferring out? I mean, if you are going to Harvard in hopes of becoming a Senator or Governor, that's fine. Going to Clemson to become a big-time architect? Sounds great. USC for a business degree? Works for me. But who the FUCK pays $17K+/year FOR A FUCKING TEACHING DEGREE?! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! This is the education system for crying out loud, not fucking NASA! ANY teaching degree will get you the job! You fuckers just want to go to some expensive ass school so you can hang with your preppy ass friends. Fuck you! I hope you choke on your fucking debt!

You retards are going to rack up TONS of debt and for what? A stressful ass job teaching middle schoolers for 30K/year? Bullshit. The other girl they showed racked up $80K in debt, and adding interest over the time she would pay it off totals it out to around $150K total payment. She went for a teaching degree, and guess how much she makes? $30K a year. That is it. Fucking worthless.

My dad got a business degree and makes ~$35K/year, which he would actually make more if he had gotten a job with the state or someone that could afford to pay him more. He went to Bob Jones University (make fun of it all you want, it isn't a bad school from an educational standpoint). Now, I am not certain how much Bob Jones costs now per year, but I can tell you this: my dad put himself through with a full-time job. So, in other words, my dad makes more than you do and he isn't in debt from the massive college bills.

What really, really pissed me off is that this bitch actually had the gaul to talk about shopping. That alone is nothing, but no, she said how her friends got to shop in a store for their formals and got all the expensive dresses while she had to look in the clearance section. Then the bitch actually started busting out tears on this shit! Here she is, faced with a mountain of debt and her failure as a student, when all she can think about is not being able to buy name-brand stuff that isn't on the clearance rack.

Let me clue you in bitch. Let me clue you in Fox News. This is my life, and this is where the dilema begins.

I make $10K/year (only a third of what the bitch above makes, and I would make more than her if I were co-manager of a PW store!) at my shitty ass job at the PW. My dad makes $35K/year, but is suffocating under a mountain of debt, with medical bills on one side and a good bit of credit card debt and loan debt on the other. In other words, I am receiving no help from my parents. The FAFSA can't tell that, so I get no Pell Grants, no scholarships, and my subsidized loan amount (the loan which has its interest paid by the government until I graduate) is less than $400. The only other form of help comes in SC Lottery tuition (which pays for most of my tuition at MTC, A TECHNICAL COLLEGE, but will pay very little of a tuition at USC) and unsubsidized loans. And, of course, my own pocket.

So, I pay for my own college, books, food, clothes, car bills, car insurance, and whatever the fuck else I want or need. I have no health insurance. FAFSA won't help me more than it already is. I'm wondering if I can even afford a 4-year college without going for private loans. Meanwhile, Bitch #1 is whining about how she doesn't want to go to a community college and instead wants to go party out and sleep around at a $17K/year university, and Bitch #2 is grabbing the Kleenex because her job with teaching special education (no matter how educational for her it is... BA-ZING!) won't buy her that nice dress at the GAP until it goes on clearance.

I was going to transfer to USC, except that USC almost costs $8K/year in tuition alone. I can go to other colleges that are cheaper than that. I'm planning on going to Limestone University at the advice of my advisor and teacher at MTC. He said USC's education with computer-related fields isn't even that great. I've even heard from people taking on the nursing program at MTC that people that spend time at MTC and THEN transfer to USC are MORE LIKELY TO GET A JOB than those spending all 4 years at USC. Isn't that a hoot? You paid more for less!

USC raises tuition because...

A) They know students will pay for it. Or their parents, anyways.
B) They want to build tons more buildings.
C) They want to pay off the $5 million contract with Spurrier.
D) All of the above, and more!

The point is, don't be a dumbass. Don't spend hundreds of thousands going to a school when it isn't going to do you any good. Very seldomly does an expensive college ever pay off. Sure, going to Berkley or Harvard or Yale or something like that looks nice, but let me tell you something: When I apply for a job, the employer won't likely give a flying fuck between

"University of South Carolina Graduate"

...and...

"Limestone University Graduate"

...unless he's a USC or Clemson fan. If he likes USC, I just claim myself as a fan. If he likes Clemson, I keep my big fat mouth shut. I win, you lose. Bitch about the community college all you want. Bitch about the expensive dresses all you want. In the long run, I'll be laughing my ass off to the bank.

I seriously doubt I'll ever be like my uncle Ken, who is now Vice President of the Golden Corral Franchise in the western United States, making God knows how much. However, I know that I won't be that dumb bitch teaching special ed for $30K/year trying to pay off tens of thousands in college debt for a degree that totally wasn't fucking worth it.

Posted by at 8:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Apparently, I have O Negative blood. I can also donate again next month, which I probably will.

Posted by at 5:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After watching all of the court shows I have recently, I think I've come across a conspiracy. It seems that no matter what show it is, the judge and the bailiff are different races. Judge Judy and Judge Alex (as well as the lady from The People's Court) are white and have black bailiffs, while Mathis, Ephriam, Joe Brown, and Hatchet have white bailiffs. If you think I'm kidding, go ahead and see for yourself.

Equal employment in action, or subtle brainwashing by the government to encourage racial diversity and acceptance? You decide.

Yeah, I'm bored. Off to school I guess.

Posted by at 9:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My brother is a big fan of Will Ferrel and the movies he stars in. I honestly think Will Ferrel sucks. I haven't seen a movie yet where his acting has impressed me. He's horrible. You can find anyone on the street to play a dumbass in a movie. It doesn't take an actor like him. Anyways, my brother wants to see Talladega Nights (which Will Ferrel stars in) and wants me to go with him and his fiance, but I refused. Basically, I went on IMDb and compared this and other shit flick failures that Will Ferrel has starred in that have low as hell ratings, and then showed stuff like Clerks II and other movies that are out that are infinitely better and have much better ratings. I believe Talladega Nights was a 6.7 when I last checked, while Clerks II was an 8.7 at the time as well.

Anyways, while looking at Yahoo's reviews for actual worded reviews, I wanted to see what the people that hated the movie had to say, and all of them, believe it or not, didn't like it because "it isn't a Christian movie". Of course, how someone can ever believe that a movie given a PG-13 rating by the MPAA for "crude and sexual humor, language, drug references and brief comic violence" is "Christian" is beyond me. That brings me to the conclusion that some Christians need to pull their heads out of their asses and realize that not everything is made 100% Christian friendly.

Here's where I get pissed off. If a Christian has a problem with the words "fuck, shit, ass, bitch" and any slang or profane comment relating to a sexual organ or act, that's fine. I can understand this. However, some Christians have a problem with the words "screw, suck, crap, heck, hell, gee golly jeez" used in normal conversation. Suddenly, if you say "screw" and you aren't talking about screwing in a screw with a screwdriver, you are swearing. You can't say suck, unless you're sucking soda through a straw.

I remember sitting at a Christian camp one time and they had a little rodeo thing. They had one person from each team (church) in the ring doing whatever, and our team (church) representative wasn't exactly winning. Neither were any of the other guys from our team. So I shouted "YEEEAAHH!! WE SUCK!" And I'll never forget that this man looked at me with this priceless face, almost as if I slept with his wife or pissed on his father's grave or something. He told me some shit about "THAT IS A BAD WORD" or whatever. That's when I took a tire iron to his face. Just kidding. I couldn't find a tire iron.

But really, so now ANY WORD taken out of context is a bad word because it may have a sexual meaning. Here's the thing. People come up with this crap to cover up their acts. Why do you think cocaine is called "coke"? It isn't just because it was in Coke. It is so that when you say "I need some coke" the officer standing next to you doesn't throw you in a cell with a man named Bubba who is patiently waiting for you to drop the soap. So what, we have to outlaw "Coke" references? Is this some kind of Pepsi ploy? Are some of you Christians really that bad off? Oh no, I sad "I'm screwed!" How horrible! Seriously, stop taking things so seriously.

What I am trying to say is that people let things offend them, and that is why they are offended. Words like "shit" and "fuck" are probably not something you should say around kids, but in reality, what's wrong with these words? I can't say "bastard" unless I'm referring to a fatherless boy or man? Who made you the English Nazi? What's next, calling someone a "meanie" is banned? Because "Oh, you're a bastard!" and "Oh, you're a meanie!" pretty much equate to the same thing, only people perceive "meanie" as somehow more righteous of a term to use. It is all opinion.

Using a word out of context isn't bad. Stuff like "I'm screwed!" or "That sucks!" or "You bastard..." are used all the times. It doesn't mean that I got laid, "that" is performing fellatio, or that you are a fatherless man. Lighten up, otherwise calling someone a "meanie" jokingly should be considered swearing, because saying someone is mean isn't "nice" either.

I consider swearing no problem at all myself. Sure, an 8-year-old shouldn't say or hear the word fuck because he doesn't know what fuck means, much less what sexual intercourse is. However, people look down on even the contextual uses of the swear words. Calling a female dog a "bitch" is sure to make a Christian frown. Calling fecal excrement "shit" is still forbidden. And heaven forbid you call sexual intercourse "fucking". Even calling a donkey an "ass" will get you hateful glares. You'll piss them off even if the word is in the right context because they let it offend them. Those are "forbidden words". As George Carlin said, there are thousands upon thousands of words in the English language, and there's only seven you can't say on TV. They must be really awful words, right? Not really, at least for those of us that have taken Sex Ed.

You are offended by what you let offend you. In other words, if you can't handle a little bit of fucking foul language, tough shit, bitch. I'll kick your ass. You forbidding these words only make them more fun to say. So, you've learned:

*Will Ferrel sucks.
*Christians that think "sucks" or "screwed" are forbidden words suck.
*Cursing doesn't suck.
*You are only offended by what you let offend you.
*I'm better than you.
*Don't take an 8-year-old to a PG-13 movie (unless you're a dumbass).
*If you are a dumbass, don't have kids. And shoot yourself. Dead.
*Swearing is fun. Almost as fun as copyright infringement and graffiti. Almost.
*I wish good movies like "Crash" would hurry up and show up in theaters so there is something decent to watch.
*I can hardly wait for the next travesty released by Adam McKay and Will Ferrel.
*That was sarcasm if you were wondering, dumbass. See above instructions for dumbasses.

Posted by at 1:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Well, I've reached 191 songs on my MP3 player already, which almost totals to an entire GB of space. This also totals to about 11 hours and 50 minutes worth of music.

Wow...

I uploaded a newer version of the playlist, which makes me think about the site. I keep saying that I am going to update it but I never get around to it. I'll probably start working on it again soon.

School starts Tuesday. Oh boy.

Posted by at 12:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

First of all, my car isn't fixed yet. Apparently the oil leak in my car is too deep in the engine for the Goodyear people to fix, so they told me to take it to the dealership. Of course, a dealership will charge an arm and a leg to repair the thing so I'm expecting the bill to be much higher now. PLUS, my car still leaks oil.

Secondly, I was going to take my resume in today to have some people at MTC help me make it more professional, only that when I got there the person had left early. I would have gone earlier in the morning except...

Someone called in sick at work, and they decided to throw my day in the shitter by calling me in. I worked from 10:30 AM to 9:00 PM, which is a total bitch of a shift. My legs are sore and I swear I was about to strangle someone throughout the entire day (no one in particular, I just needed to vent my rage by choking someone to death).

Here's what pisses me off so much about this fucking job. If I were working today, and someone called in sick, they WOULD NOT replace that person. However, since it is my day off, they "need" the help and guess who is the first person they call? Me. I had traded my 8-5 shift to someone who wanted it in order to have today off and just work 5-10 yesterday. Of course, I ended up working 5-11 because some jackass decided to leave early because "they weren't feeling well", which is bullshit because I'm damn sure he wouldn't have even shown up if he was actually sick. What's more, I didn't get to enjoy this day off. No. It was way fucking worse because I did that shit.

And if that isn't enough to piss me off, last week I had asked off for tomorrow since some of my brother's fiance's relatives are throwing a wedding shower for them. Considering I am the best man, it is kinda important for me to be there.

Oh, but that just isn't good enough for fucking Piggly Wiggly. My life isn't enough of a living hell yet. They pay me shit wages, treat me like shit, work me like a fucking mule, and now they won't even give me a fucking day off when I ask for it. I tried changing my hours with other people but no one could trade with me. I was able to resolve it by using up my lunch break (and then some) to go, but there is no doubt in my mind that they will try to make me stay extra to "make up the time past my hour lunch break".

When Monday comes, I will make damn sure that I have that resume sent to MTC. This job is a load of horse shit. 4 years, $6.15/hr pay, and being worked like a fucking slave. Fuck this. I'll be glad when I quit this shitty job. I'd rather starve in the fucking street than to ever come back to this shithole ever again.

On a second note, I'm never, EVER going in to work for someone who called in sick again. Fuck it. I could've spent the day getting my resume together and dropping my car off at the dealership, but going to work threw all that away. They don't pay me enough to put up with that shit, so fuck them.

Posted by at 11:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There's a new site I visit now called Hot Air. I have been visiting it a lot recently especially since A Western Heart has been putting it on their posts recently.

What's great about it recently is how they debunk the crap that the left throws about the Israeli war, like with the photoshopped pictures of Lebanon (accurately dubbed "Fauxtography"), as well as other priceless gems, such as what I'm going to talk about next:

This man gave a speech to graduating militia men that centers around the war. He brings up a lot of great points. The favorite is how he compares the shit-filled liberal scum that sits around in college getting spoonfed their ideology from the mainstream media and far-left professors who protest, riot, vandalize, burn, and threaten officials in the name of peace, which in all honesty is hipocracy at its greatest, when all of their opinions are based on hatred, mistruths, disinformation, and flat out lies by the liberal hatemongers out there.

Then, he compares them to the troops, who sit and see the hatred of the left, the biased MSM tearing apart the President for the war, but still feel the desire to protect this nation with their lives and fight terrorism in their homes. So while the liberals sit in college with free speech rioting and hating the war and all the pro-war people, these are brave men of action, these are the ones with resolve, these are the ones who are actually IN Iraq and who witness the war in its true light and not in the horror story the MSM tries to feed people. Liberals want what these brave soldiers have, but they'll never have it, not in a million years.

You can hide behind your anti-war signs. You can cower in fear from Islamic radicals. You can lick the balls of the terrorists and give them what they want in a sad, feeble attempt at getting them to leave you alone. You can cry when you lose elections because your own party disintegrates due to your own extreme hatred of America and it trying to defend itself. You can claim to want peace all you want. You can justify Hizbullah and condemn Israel for defending itself. You can put as much bias as you want to on the news. You can call your own candidates running in your own primaries racists and bigots for "being somewhat supportive of Bush in a few areas" and not call racism or bigotry on a black congresswoman who falsely claimed racism, who's bodyguards were yelling "You crackers got what you wanted... Put on your yamulkes..." You can riot and vandalize and assault people who don't agree with you. You can throw a big temper tantrum. Do whatever you want, but you don't have anything on these men.

There is no peace. To fool yourself into thinking that there can be peace when Islamofacists and terrorists exist is futile. Do what every good liberal does: bury your head in the sand. You don't have to face the truth. Radical Islam wants nothing more than the destruction of Israel, the extinction of the Jews, and the end to Western Civilization. These people detest freedom and will fight us tooth and nail to take it from us. You only have two choices:

Grow a pair and fight back, or be a traitorous, anti-war, bigoted liberal and hope that when you hand the world over to the radical Muslim leaders that they spare your life.

I support the troops in Iraq. I support the Israeli soldiers destroying Hizbullah. I support freedom. There is no tolerance of radical Islam. To tolerate is to allow, to condone. We must condemn and destroy the terrorists, not pardon and sympathize with them. There will be no peace. There will be no negotiation. Much like Israel can't negotiate with Hizbullah, we as the Western world cannot negotiate with these terrorists, for there is no such thing as negotiations when the enemy's only goal is to wipe you from the face of the Earth. It's either us, or them, and frankly, I say:

Let the bodies hit the floor!

Posted by at 12:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, since the only people I enjoy talking to a lot didn't make it to the convention at the Radisson (for one reason or another), I ended up leaving Saturday. I left to go with my brother and his fiance and her mother to meet some of my relatives for a pre-wedding get-together. I decided I wouldn't return to the hotel once I got back so I went ahead and took my stuff back home.

Hotels are in general fairly boring, and in Columbia (or even South Carolina itself) it is only about ten times more boring. Here's what I mean with the Radisson:

Sleep Number beds: Customizable firmness/softness, but has its cons.
Restaurant: Never went to it. Looked nice, not too expensive, but Cracker Barrel and Fuddruckers are better and cheaper.
Pool: Small. Outdoors, which sucks when there are thunderstorm warnings the entire weekend.
Gym: Treadmills, stationary bikes, walking-powered machines, and ONE set of weight-oriented workout machines. In other words, small with no variety. Horrible.
Lobby: Comfortable. Has a bar (except I'm not 21). No one to really talk to my age.
Room: Looks nice. Decent amount of TV channels (no Comedy Central or Spike though).

Overall, it was a decent hotel, but I still say that hotels today have nothing to do. At least the one last year had a pool table (nice quality table, sticks, and it was FREE). What I mean though is that they really have nothing to do. There's no arcade (which I've seen in TWO hotels before, BOTH in SC), no DECENT gift shops (DC, Myrtle Beach, just to name a few that do), no nothing. Hotels are set up so that you can sleep and stick your thumb up your ass while people prattle on about nothing in general during meetings you'd fall asleep in while attending.

Hell, if I had a hotel, I'd have shit in it like paintball arenas, mini-casinos, a strip bar, an all-you-can-eat seafood/steak buffet restaurant, free (or at least affordable, rentable) access to a small LAN in the lobby with FPS games and internet access. During meetings and such, you can grab some corndogs or chips or soda or something to snack on while people talk. There'd be a nightclub (not just a bar) with pool, foosball, air hockey, pinball machines, and hell, stock it with a full arcade. We could put some batting cages, go-karts, miniature golf, roller coasters and all that shit in the back. That's a real hotel, or more accurately, a good theme park with a hotel, but shit, I'd pay money to go.

Posted by at 9:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

1) Watch Obsession. It is about an hour and 15 minutes long but it is worth watching.

2) I sent in my resume to the person who handles locating jobs for MTC students. Apparently, I need to visit someone at MTC to have them help me make my resume more professional. I'll be doing that tomorrow. I am hoping to get a new job very soon.

3) A new bill is going through Congress in order to raise minimum wage to $7/hr. over the next three years. I am hoping it is signed. Even if I don't get to enjoy this bill, it needs to be passed. I am well aware of the effects raising minimum wage has on the economy (a short boost followed by a slow yet steady swell of price surges), but it is a temporary relief. Especially when you consider that tuition costs are rising for people trying to go to college and many have to work their way through their education. I am for it. I also think that the government should work on holding minimum wage down as much as possible, though. I don't mean "don't pay people" but keep prices from skyrocketing out of control so that there is no need to raise minimum wage. Easier said than done, but hell, a hundred years from now you'll have to put a hundred dollar bill in the drink machine to get a 20 oz. bottle of Pepsi...

4) I will be at the state convention this year at the Radisson hotel. If you're going, I'm sure I'll see you there.

5) I hope Fidel Castro dies and that Cuba will revolt against the Communist regime and begin a democracy. Cuba needs freedom. The people of Cuba need freedom. They have suffered enough at the hands of their dictator and are now facing the possibility of finally freeing themselves from the Hellish rule of the Castros.

6) I'm really bored.

7) Yes, my car is leaking oil for sure. I'm taking it back to the shop so they can check where it has leaked at (since it was everywhere, and this time they put a dye in the oil to locate leaks easier). That probably won't be for a small amount of time though. The only other thing I've found wrong with my car is that my emergency brake won't hold. I'm hoping that it at least *works*. It presses in and has the brake light turn on, but the brake doesn't stay on when I take my foot off of the e-brake pedal. If the e-brake works then I don't care, I don't usually park on hills so having an e-brake that holds is probably not worth it (especially since I bet it costs a good bit to fix).

8) I think I like a girl that I know. I'm not sure how much, though. She's honestly out of my league but I think she's cute, and she's a great person to talk to. I just don't see her very often. Times like this make me want to force myself into asking a girl out for once, but a lot seems to hold me back. I see her saying no in my mind very easily, but I can never picture her (or any girl I've liked for that matter) actually wanting to go out with me. It is depressing sometimes that my anti-social tendencies and my poor self-image can tear me to pieces like this, but there's not much I really can do. People always tell me that I need confidence, or that I just need to go out and try, or that ever-annoying cliche retort: "The worst that could happen is that she says no!" To most people, a simple "No" is like "Oh well, better luck next time."

To me, its like "FUCK." That's the best way I can describe it. It makes me want to rip out my own soul and strangle it to death. To me, "No" is the defeat. I don't just go up to random people and say "Hi! Let's go out!" That isn't the way I do it. I can't conceive of going out with someone that I haven't had time to talk to or anything. That's probably due to me being so damned anti-social (I hate confrontation with ANYONE I don't know, which is probably odd unless you also have this problem). If I have met you before, believe me, when we met for the first time (and quite possibly several times afterwards), I didn't want to have anything to do with you. To me, if I had the choice of meeting someone new and sitting in my room all day, well let's just say that I would hope the room had a TV in it.

In reality, I have been this way all my life. I never wanted people to involve me in their shit, which ironically only makes people want to fuck with you three times more than the rest of the human race. I was quiet as a kid, and not much has changed since that time. I can socialize to an extent, but when meeting new people (or a girl I happen to like) I have no ability to speak. My mind shuts down and I have no clue what to talk about. I could seriously sit at a table with someone new or someone that I like and out of an entire hour of sitting, only speak for about 5 minutes. Sometimes I wonder how I even made it to 5 minutes. Sure, I can reply to just about anything, but when it comes to me starting the conversation, nothing comes out.

I could blame it on being annoyed by my parents, being teased by classmates and boys my age in Sunday school, people who have gone out of their way to make me feel like shit... I could easily blame problems with girls on Danielle even (all that shit with her doesn't bother me so much anymore, since my overall failure to get a girl to like me for 20 years of my life is much more depressing than just liking some girl who didn't give a shit about me in the first place). It wouldn't be fair, though. People always look for others to blame. True, others are capable of giving us higher tendencies to harm ourselves, but in the end, I'm the one who lets the thoughts conquer me.

Rather than continue on with this not-so-brief rant, I'll just finish with this: If I could, I'd ask her out. I really would. I would love to go out with her, but unfortunately, this penetrating self-hatred gets the best of me in times like these.

I'm not digging for sympathy here. The last thing I need is someone feeling sorry for how pathetic I am. I see this as one of my greatest problems in life, and it worries me that I may not be capable of taking it down.

9) My brother's wedding is soon. There are several wedding parties I will be going to (such as the one this Saturday, which I will leave the Radisson to attend that night). I'm susposed to be the best man. Other than that, he's also looking for an internship, and he's looking into getting a motorcycle.

10) Life sucks. On a scale from 1 to 10, it gets an 11 for suckage. Maybe even a 12, but it is hard to tell.

Posted by at 10:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)